A "Little" Update...

Dear Charlie Bird,

It's been a few years since my last letter to you. You've been keeping Mom and me pretty busy, growing up faster than we’d like and rarely giving us a chance to catch our breath. We are so proud of the hilarious, high-energy girl you've become. Here are some things that have been happening in your life lately...

You started Kindergarten this year!

You absolutely LOVE school. We knew you would, because you've always thrived being around others. You loved your teachers and the friends you made at Big Steps, Little Feet (your wonderful daycare), and now the same can be said for your teachers and friends at Ada Elementary.

You're in Mrs. Long's classroom, and some of your favorite things about school are:

• Riding the bus

• Getting library books

• Swinging on the "Double Swing" with friends

And according to our first parent-teacher conference, your least favorite thing is:

• Being a "first-time" listener.

That's a skill we're continuing to work on at home, too. To be fair, your dad isn't always a great first-time listener, either.

Nevertheless, you've been enjoying your new routine, and we've loved seeing you get excited about special days at school, like the Ranger Rock Out, the Homecoming Tailgate, and your Halloween party.

You've been trying all kinds of new activities, too.

Once a week, you have music class at the School of Rock. You love playing all kinds of instruments, including the drums, guitar, and keyboard. You've also been introduced to rock bands like The Beatles (your favorite songs are "Paperback Writer" and "Yellow Submarine"), and you've enjoyed singing songs like "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" by Eurythmics.

Although, your first "rock concert" was a bit of a disaster when you didn't get to play the lead keyboard part, resulting in a complete and total meltdown.

You've also been playing a lot of sports. You took tennis and golf lessons all summer and love playing both.

Somehow, you inherited a competitive streak (I have absolutely no idea where that came from), so you get fired up about just about any game, including duckpin bowling.

And finally, you've started to get the hang of basketball. You've always loved watching basketball, but now you're getting excited about playing, too (and I'm getting excited about potentially coaching you in the near future). You made your first-ever basket this summer, and naturally, I was pretty excited about it.

You love spending time with your family, too.

Not just Mom and me, but also your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. You always love seeing Nemma & Dampa and Gigi & Poppy. But one of the most special things about the past few years has been watching you become a big cousin to Rocky and Vera.

Rocky loves trying to get you to play monster trucks with him, and Baby Vera loves having you hold her. Watching you interact with your younger cousins has been especially wonderful for Mom and me. You're so patient, loving, and kind with them, and it warms our hearts to see it.

And now, we're excited to experience a brand-new chapter with you...

We're going to watch you become a Big Sister!

This is something Mom and I have been hoping for since you were born. And we've tried many times to make it happen.

If you remember, it took us a while for you to come along. We needed the help of fertility doctors and the IVF process to bring you into the world. You were the first embryo we transferred, and because that worked, we figured any future attempts would be successful, too.

We waited a few years after you were born, mostly because we needed to enjoy life after the NICU and had some anxiety after your very early arrival into the world. But when we started the IVF process again, we quickly discovered it wasn't going to be as easy as the first time around.

It brought back a lot of anxiety for Mom and me, along with the heartbreak of two unsuccessful transfers and a genetic test that showed our last embryo was not viable. These attempts stretched over several years, all while you continued to grow and blossom. Mom went through another egg retrieval, and a surgery which was physically and mentally exhausting, followed by more transfers that, unfortunately, didn't work.

Eventually, the repeated disappointments started to wear on us, especially Mom. She was struggling with the volatility of the fertility world and the guilt of how that took some of her focus away from you. We started to think that maybe another baby wasn't meant to be and if it was just going to be you, we wanted to be fully present for every second. We were totally fine with that, but we both felt deep down that later in life, we knew how much of a blessing a sibling could be. And we wanted to feel like we did everything that we could to make it happen.

When we were down to our last two healthy embryos, we decided those would be our final two attempts. “What will be will be” is what mom always says. After our experience with you, we both felt the conviction that if a soul is meant to be in this world, it will find its way here one way or another. You are living proof of that. The whole process had taken an enormous toll on Mom, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So she started asking some questions, talking to her doctor and others who had experienced surrogacy and with each step, it felt more and more right for us. Once Dr. White confirmed with mom that this would ultimately be the safer route for her body, the decision was made. Mom wouldn’t continue trying to carry another child. But we were going to give our two last embryos a shot. 

And then we found Emma. 

Some people might not know that Michigan has not been the most surrogacy friendly state. Up until only a few years ago, if a surrogate or carrier gave birth to a baby in the state of Michigan, the woman who gave birth had legal rights to the child. Meaning that the biological parents had to adopt their child back as if it was any other adoption. (insane, we know).

Because of this, there aren't many surrogates in Michigan. 

With the help of a fertility agency, we were introduced to Emma at the end of last year and she was the first profile they shared with us. Emma lives in Port Huron, Michigan, with her daughter Phoebe, and she is the most perfect fit for our family. And as Mom says, she is our angel on earth. 

We spent the winter going through all of the things required to make our match official.

And In July, the first transfer finally took place.

Unfortunately, about a week later, we received the heartbreaking news that we had had an early loss. 

All of us, including Emma, were heartbroken. But because Emma is incredible, without hesitation she was ready to go another round. 

The scary thing was that this was our last embryo.

We had already promised ourselves that once these embryos were gone, we would be done trying. We would turn our attention toward enjoying our lives with you and being thankful for the family we already had. Like mom says, “What will be, will be.”

A few weeks later, on your very first day of kindergarten, Emma drove two and a half hours to Grand Rapids for our final transfer attempt.

So while you were experiencing your first few days of kindergarten, making new friends and adjusting to your new school, Mom and I were anxiously waiting to find out whether this last attempt would work.

Finally, on the day we were planning to head up to the cottage in Marquette for Labor Day weekend, we got the call.

The transfer had worked. Emma was pregnant!

We kept the news pretty close for a while, partly out of caution and, frankly, because we were still a little afraid that something might go wrong. After so many disappointments, it was hard to believe that this was actually happening.

But as the weeks passed, we grew more and more excited. We started sharing the news with our loved ones, and eventually, we decided it was time to tell you.

Understandably, you were a little confused.

You'd never seen an ultrasound picture before, so it made some sense that you asked if it was "Santa Claus" or a new "puppy."

It made a little less sense when you quickly lost interest and asked for a granola bar.

But since then, the news has started to sink in. You've told us so many times how excited you are to have a baby sibling. From the beginning, you guessed it would be a "baby sister," although you've also started coming around to the idea of a baby brother.

You've certainly had plenty of questions about how all of this works, but Mom has done a wonderful job answering them.

As she explained it to you: "The cupcakes are made the same, they're just baked in a different oven."

In the meantime, Mom and I have driven to Port Huron for a few appointments, and we'll continue making those trips throughout the pregnancy. Emma and Mom chat every single day, and we've really enjoyed getting to know Emma and her family.

This past week, Emma and Phoebe drove to Grand Rapids for the final ultrasound of her first trimester. We decided to bring you along so you could meet the woman who is helping us grow our family.

We all sat together in the exam room, watching as images of your baby sibling flashed across the screen.

The baby was dancing around during the scan, which makes perfect sense, because it's your baby sibling.

It was such a special day, and we celebrated with breakfast afterward.

You and Phoebe became fast friends!

Then, on Halloween, before all the festivities, we decided it was finally time to tell you whether you were having a baby brother or a baby sister.

It's a Baby Girl!

So the secret is out, Charlie Bird. You're going to be a Big Sister to a Little Sister!

We have so much to be thankful for. We're thankful for the opportunity to raise another daughter and watch the two of you grow up together. We're thankful for Emma, whose generosity has given us this incredible opportunity. She will forever be a part of our family's story. We're thankful for modern science, for IVF and surrogacy, and for the chance they've given us to grow our family. And we're thankful for our families, who have continued to love, support, and encourage us through this difficult journey.

It's been an exhausting few years, but now that we're into the second trimester, things are starting to feel exciting and real.

Mom and I always said that if we were lucky enough to have two children, we would "call it" there. And now, after everything we've been through, the possibility of completing our family feels almost too good to be true.

But Charlie, one of the things I'm most excited about is watching you become a big sister.

We've already seen how loving, patient, and kind you can be with Rocky and Vera. And I know you're going to bring that same love to your little sister. You'll be a wonderful helper, whether you're bringing us diapers, finding a lost stuffie, or helping with bottles.

And more than anything, I can't wait to watch the two of you grow up together. To watch you play, laugh, learn, and probably fight a little, too. To see you teach her things, look out for her, and become someone she can always count on. It’s what we've always wanted for you and we would do it a thousand times over again.

I know your little sister is going to absolutely adore her big sister, Charlie Bird.

And I hope that someday, when you read this letter again, you'll understand just how much we wanted both of you, how hard we worked to bring you and your sister into this world, and how incredibly lucky we feel to be your parents.

We love you so much, and we are so proud of you.

Love,

Mom, Dad, and Baby Sister

Baby Girl Ray -- Coming May 14, 2027