The Year of Charlie Bird

Dear Charlie Bird,

As you grow up, people will try and warn you that the years will fly by. People will urge you to be thankful for what you have because you never know when their lives will change for better or for worse. And you will nod your head, and say, "Of course, I know that!" but you will not completely believe them until something in your life happens to make you realize they were right. The last 365 days have been all of those things wrapped into one: a year to be thankful for, a year that was fast and slow all at once, a year that is hard to remember at times, and a year that I will never forget. On April 20, 2021, you came storming into this world without warning, forever changing the lives of your mother and me. Now, as I write this letter to you on April 20, 2022, on your very first birthday, one that came earlier than expected but one that seems so right at the same time, I think about how far you have come, how much you have accomplished, and how proud your mother and I are of you.

The last time I wrote you, you were about to turn six months. Our homecoming from the NICU was fresh enough that I told you about the day we brought you home with such clarity. Now, that day barely seems real. It's a fuzzy memory that has been compartmentalized in my head next to the other warm, early memories after you were discharged from Helen DeVos. The months leading up to your homecoming are in a different compartment in my brain, one that rarely opens up, usually triggered by seeing an old picture or video from your time on a ventilator, in your isolate, awaiting lab results, or simply getting to hold you with a constant fear that any movement will hurt your fragile little body. Seeing those images and watching those videos is always overly emotional for us. But now, we are so lucky, because as you have grown (like crazy!) over the last six months since I've written you, we have endless pictures and videos that make us smile, laugh, and that give us the ability to lock away the memories from the NICU. That's not to say that these last six months have been smooth sailing. We have encountered our difficult moments, all of them hitting us like a train we didn't see coming.

In November, I woke up with a scratchy throat. After taking a COVID rapid test, I found out I was positive. Mom, after testing negative, ordered me up into the guest room and took you over to Grandma's and Granddad's house for the duration of my quarantine. We were nervous because we didn't know how COVID would affect you. A few days later, you woke up with a runny nose and tested positive yourself. As scary as that was, you handled it like an absolute champ. You never had a fever, with your worst symptom being that runny nose and a few nights where you didn't sleep great. My COVID diagnosis meant I had to stay home from school for 8 days, and my quarantine happened right before I was taking leave time to stay home with you anyway (Mom had to go back to work and we did not have a nanny lined up yet). We spent our days watching the Star Wars original trilogy, rolling on the ground, and reading books. So while this was initially a scary event, it turned into a positive because we were able to spend a lot of time together.

The worst thing that happened was in March. I received a frantic call from your Mom letting me know that Archie had nipped you, and that your lip was bleeding pretty heavily. I could hear your cries on the phone and rushed out of work. Because of this, we had to make the difficult decision to put Archie down. By the time you read this, I highly doubt you will remember Archie, but rest assured that he loved you very much. He was an anxious dog (just ask our Amazon delivery guy), but he was also a loving and loyal dog who loved protecting his family.

He was sleeping next to Mom, and you, getting more and more mobile all of the time, slipped and startled him. You kind of fell right into his reaction. Immediately he was remorseful, but the damage was done. We know he didn't mean to do what he did, but we couldn't risk keeping him around as you grew older. While the last memory of Archie will be a sad and emotional one, your Mom and I will choose to remember all of the times that he demonstrated his love for you.

You ended up back at your "first home" at Helen DeVos where you received five stitches. Of course, this was nothing compared to what you experienced in the NICU, so you showed off how tough you were. You had to be sedated for the procedure, but you recovered so well, just in time for our family to head to Seaside for Spring Break.

And while your Mom and I were so sad to have you go through that scary experience, and the fact that we had to lose Archie, we still want you to grow up with a dog. We have already put down a deposit on a dog that will join our family at the end of summer.

So yes, there have still been some rocky moments since you turned six months old. Yet, there has been so much good. Like catching the first semblance of your laugh on camera...

Or celebrating your first Thanksgiving up at the cottage on Lake Superior. Looking back at these pictures, your mom and I can't believe how immobile you were. We could put you in your Dock-A-Tot for HOURS and you wouldn't move or make a peep. Based on what you are like now, you might appreciate why we liked that.

You visited the usual spots: Snowbound Books, The Vierling, Blackrocks Brewing, and the Dry Dock. Being out and about didn't stop us from getting you your bottle.

We visited Fort Wayne, where we helped Gigi set up her Christmas tree.

We were also able to visit Vera Bradley to see your Great Grandma Birdie's office.

We went to some high school basketball games, usually cheering on the Zeeland West Dux! You instantly enjoyed the sounds and sights of a basketball game. I have a feeling you're going to be a little gym rat as you grow up. (I promise I won't force the issue!)

You celebrated your first Christmas in Grand Rapids and in Fort Wayne, seeing just about the entire family in the process.

Then we went back up north to the cottage for New Years with the cousin. There aren't too many pictures from this trip because I vividly remember you going through a sleep regression the entire time we were there. Your mom and I did not get a ton of sleep, so thankfully we had family around to keep you occupied.

You started eating other foods besides bottles. First, you started with some purees. You particularly liked sweet potatoes and applesauce. At least, some bites you enjoyed while others concerned you a bit.

You learned how to roll over on your own, especially in bed, which called for some sleepless nights.

You received your first pair of Chuck Taylors, fitting for a girl with the nickname of "Chuck," something that I am thrilled has stuck around since your NICU days.

You were visited by some of our favorite people.

We made a family trip to Seaside in February for a long weekend, where we enjoyed some warmer weather. The highlight was you keeping your "Wee Bans" on for the duration of the weekend. I don't think you've worn them since, but that's ok.

You could also say you were a big fan of the Super Bowl halftime show.

You transitioned to a bigger bath tub in which you can sit up and splash and play with your toys.

You got a new high chair where you could show off your excellent posture and eating abilities. (You definitely did NOT get your good posture from me... I am usually hunched over like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings.)

Mom and I were able to get away a few times, including a trip to Chicago to celebrate Uncle Teddy's birthday. While we were gone, you were shipped off to Grandma's house, where Grandma K and Auntie Lolo took great care of you. You particularly enjoyed the sink baths.

In early March, you developed your new favorite way of sitting in your high chair. While it isn't the most hygienic way to eat your food, it sure is cute.

You started enjoying new toys each month, which also meant we had to phase out some older toys. Our basement is filled with toys that you loved playing with for seven total hours and then never again. Note to self: in my next life, I need to make baby toys/products. Some of these companies have to make a killing for preying on desperate parents like us!

As March rolled along, you started getting more and more adventurous. Your Mom and I will always yearn for the days where you could be "docked" and not move for a while, but at the same time, we love seeing you explore the space.

On Spring Break, you loved the beach and the pool, much to Poppy's delight.

You loved sitting in high chairs at restaurants and eating real food like your first PB&J, although you wouldn't know it looking at your face...

And your first lemon...

You even got to sit up at the bar at Bud and Alley's, a time-honored Ray tradition.

And we learned that humidity curls run in the family.

After spring break, the countdown to your birthday was on. You received an early birthday present from Grandma K. It's a ball pit that at first you were unsure about...

You learned more new skills like clapping:

And sitting up in bed at 4:30am... Before staring into the monitor camera and giving me lifelong nightmares:

And pulling yourself up, wait, what?!

I particularly love when you pull yourself up by my leg hair! I think that may be the worst pain a human can experience (your mom is rolling her eyes as she reads this).

You celebrated your first Easter, and you were visited by the Easter Bunny. Somehow, you kept these ears on for a solid hour.

You belly laughed watching Harvey jump for snacks (this was your first real, uncontrollable belly laugh):

You are truly growing like a weed. And that's fitting, because three days from now, you'll experience your first birthday party, surrounded by family and friends. You might get a little overwhelmed by all of the people, but someday when you look back at all of the pictures and videos of that party, you'll realize that every single person there means so much to our family. You'll be surrounded by parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, nurses, neighbors, and so many more.

You are so special, Charlie Bird! I feel a little crazy when I think about you having been alive for a full year TODAY, as of 8:18pm, and though there were some hard and scary times, I am thankful for the progress you have made. At your neurodevelopment appointment last week, the doctor said that developmentally you were on track with most nine-month olds, which makes sense, considering you were supposed to be eight-and-a-half months old at this point. You continue to surprise us with how quickly you learn and change and grow. I can't help but wonder what you'll be like 365 days from today.

You make your mother and me so proud! When we go out to eat, just the two of us, our conversations always come back to you. We spend our time away from you looking at your pictures and videos and wondering how we got so lucky. Of course, like I said, there's a time and place to remember the scary things that we've all gone through together, but now, all we are doing is trying to keep you safe and mentally prepare for you learning to walk and getting even more mobile (that is coming soon... Pretty sure you are going to walk before you can crawl on your hands and knees).

You have forced me to grow a lot as a person over this last year. Thank you for making me a dad. I love you so much.

Happy first birthday, Charlie Bird! Now say "Dada" already.

Love,

Dad